(aka – How to get your spouse to watch what you want on television)
We just survived the bleak pain of winter – waiting in front of us finally is the warm hug of spring. So why in the world would I possibly be feeling down? March Madness just concluded and we are stepping into the NBA playoff season. I have lived in Massachusetts all of my life, and yet, I am overcome with sadness that the Utah Jazz did not make it into the playoffs. Why does that even affect me? You can thank my husband, and my psychology degree.
Like other couples, we enjoy watching our shows together in the evening. It’s a great way to unwind, especially if you both want to watch the same thing. But what is the best way to relax after a long day? If you ask a man, he will most likely say a 3-letter word that rhymes with “shmex”. His second answer will probably be watching sports on television. If you ask a woman, chances are she will say a long back rub. Not a 2 minute half-hearted back tickle, but a dig-your-thumbs-in and work-out-my-trigger-points massage. We all love getting them. But let’s be honest, no one really likes being on the giving end.
One night my husband, who is from Utah, asked how he could get me to like watching basketball so we could do it together. I laughed, remembering that one of the things I was most excited about when I bought my own house was never having to watch another sports game again. I jokingly said that the only way would be to Pavlovian condition me – pairing the basketball game with a massage. I was thinking back to my college years, learning about Classical Conditioning as one way to modify behavior. Remembering back to Pavlov’s dogs and how he would pair the ringing of a bell with the immediate presentation of a juicy steak. After consistently pairing these 2 unrelated stimuli, eventually, just ringing the bell would make the dogs salivate – anticipating the steak. This could be an interesting experiment……
So I sat in front of him, put on the game, and challenged him to modify my behavior – let’s see if this could really turn into a win-win situation. Interestingly, after just the first few games, I surprisingly found myself open to letting “Big Bang Theory” tape on Tivo, while we watched the game in real-time. Lucky for me, my husband is a good muscle-knot-getter-outer. Lucky for him, I began to find interest in the soap-opera-like back stories of the players. To keep it interesting, I could look at it like the Game of Thrones. “This opponent used to play for us until we sent him away so now he fights for the other side, their coach used to work for our side but then his watch was over, this one made things so uncomfortable for everyone around him that our long-time leader retired his position just to escape him, these team-mates really don’t like each other, and these opponents are actually good friends off the court”. Huh, the tales of ruthless team-hopping and off-court alliances actually did spice things up a bit.
Before we knew it, things had shifted. Christmas came, and he got me a massage chair – so that I wouldn’t block his view of the television. Weekends came, and I was bringing home pizza so we could stay in and watch the game. What was happening to us? Was I the dog? Was a good back massage my juicy steak? Was the starting buzzer the Pavlovian bell?
Fast forward to present time. How things have evolved. Standing in the grocery store together, I excitedly told my husband this season’s last Jazz game was on that night. To which he sighed, and replied “oh…… but my hands are tired”. People behind us in line looked at us bewildered. But we both knew exactly what he meant. No one ever documented what became of Pavlov and his dog after their experiment continued along a little longer. Maybe the dog finally left him for with-holding his steak and merely ringing the darn bell for fun. Who would have thought I’d be the one salivating for a basketball game, and he would be bargaining that we could watch “New Girl” instead of sports tonight so he could rest? Science….. that’s who.