Have you ever been contacted from the other side by the spirit of a loved one who has died? And if it ever happened would you be open enough to the idea of it all to realize it?
Most of us feel, at least inwardly, that we would give anything to stay connected to certain people who we have loved after they have died.
But how? How does it all work?
Are they above us, up beyond the clouds, where we think of Heaven as being located when we’re growing up? Are they here intermingling exactly where we are, just in some other dimension that co-exists with ours in a way we can’t easily sense?
Does their soul remain individual? And is it met by other individual souls in our family circle who have passed before? Or does it, like something in a gaseous state, just join in with all the other energy from all the other souls who have passed, wherever they have come from, to form one big clump of universal soul energy?
Or is it none of those things? Could it be that, when our physical bodies die, what it looks like on the surface is all there is? That we are “laid to rest”, and that what lives on is more the memory of that person in the minds of those who knew them?
Interestingly, sometimes its easier to believe in the afterlife when it’s completely theoretical, and not tied to the immediate situation. When we are able to suspend our logical proof-needing brain and just have faith that what we hope is out there is what it is.
On the unfortunate flip side, it can be harder to hold strong to that belief in the moments we are actually faced with the loss of someone we know. Even more so if it was someone we love. Although it’s those concrete times when we could have used that faith the most.
But why? Why is it harder to believe in the moments we really want to believe it? Is it because in those times, that is when we need to believe it in order to find comfort and inner peace? And for that it requires proof. But how can their be proof for something so abstract and philosophical? It’s easier to accept certain things as proof when it’s about someone else’s situation. Sometimes the more important something is to you, the more it takes to prove it, so that you REALLY know for sure.
I have often attempted to ease someone’s loss with what i saw as scientific proof that our souls live on. I would talk about how our bodies contain energy, in the form of electrical impulses from the neurons firing in our brains to the beating of our hearts, etc.. And that it is accepted by the science community that energy can not be created out of nothing nor destroyed, it can only change form. So that when our physical body stops functioning and dies, if that is true, all of that energy can only have changed form. And from their make the jump to it’s new form as spirit, passed on to some other realm that we just can not see so easily now that it isn’t housed in a physical body.
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It made all the sense in the world to me, until my dog Jenna passed away.
And though I believed these things 100%, I learned that when you truly love someone, you need 101% to REALLY know that’s what happens. So that you don’t have to carry the heart-wrenching doubt in that extra 1% of space, that hidden extra place you never even knew existed, which can spin through your entire being like a heavy, tornadic black hole with the capacity to crush your faith and everything you thought you knew.
And that’s when i changed from just asking for a sign, to pleading with the universe to hit me over the head with a billboard sized, neon blinking bright, mother of all signs so there would be no possible way i could ever miss it.
Exactly 1 month later i was rushed in for emergency appendix surgery….. which i always saw as my body’s version of a broken heart. So after that, i got less greedy with the universe and asked it to just give me anything…. I’d trade my one huge sign in for a bunch of little signs to span across the rest of my life. So at least I could keep getting my “maybe” reinforced…. and even the faith of “maybe” would get me through.
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Having had a death in our family recently brought the whole concept up to the surface again this month as I searched for ways to help my mom feel better.
I was one step removed this time so it was a bit easier to look for the signs and share them with her, than when you are the one in the direct storm of emotion.
This time around I kept being drawn to signs everywhere we turned. A song I couldn’t get out of my head – then carefully read the lyrics to. A dream I woke up thinking about – and let myself lay there to continue to think about, and try to find symbolism in, so I wouldn’t forget it. An animal that starts showing up in your path, or one you might see right in your yard but now seems to keep intently looking at you. Thinking you saw “something” out of the corner of your eye. Electronic devices doing strange things when you are thinking of, or talking about, the person – lights that flicker, an ipad screen acting weird when you go to a certain page, a treadmill that suddenly turns off each time a certain song plays. Chimes that ring even though there’s no open window or fan on. Goosebumps up and down your arms when a thought pops into your head. The list is long because the possibilities are endless.
But you have to be open to the possibility of these signs. And aware of the little things, because even something subtle can be important. Write them down so you won’t forget. Even if you’re not sure. You don’t have to be sure. You just have to feel something. Analyze it later on. But in the moment just soak it in like a sponge.
Especially when the “veil” between “this” world and “that” world is thinnest….. like right after someone passes, or the time leading up to their funeral, or their birthday, or future anniversaries of their death.
There’s no right or wrong here. And no absolute rule book. So if you feel something, anything, anytime….. breath it in and thank them for connecting with you. And even ask them to keep doing it if it is something that helped you feel better.
I found myself doing that this time around. Acknowledging i was aware of the sign. Saying “thank you”. Letting them know I would try to continue to be open to them.
Until it got dark. Then I would add “I love you, but maybe only let me know you’re here in my dreams or during the day, when you won’t feel spooky to me”. They know I love them, and know me enough not to to be surprised by that request. I’m sure they just shook their spirit head, rolled their eyes, and said “oookkaayyy”.
Unless it was my dog, she knows that even if it scares the heck out of me, I want every sign I can possibly get from her! 🙂
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Trying to understand the hard-to-understand made me think about something I often talk with my husband about – how to believe in things that you can not sense with your very own vision, hearing, smell, touch or taste.
It comes up because he loves astronomy and thinking about planets “x” light years away, traveling at “y” speed of light, in galaxies that were never drawn in the simple 9 planet diagram I grew up learning. (Remember “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas”?) (Which, by the way, doesn’t work as well now that someone has discredited the Pizza planet….. thanks a lot Neil DeGrasse Tyson.)
My husband loves trying to figure out these astronomical science-y things that sound hard to believe, but are somehow proven and accepted by the scientific community. When he throws out facts about billions of miles, or light miles, or light years away; or “could reach earth” in “z” billions of light years; it seems made up because they are so hard to wrap my much less science-y brain around them. (I affectionately call them “butt facts”, since they seem hard to prove, and thus could have been just pulled out of his butt to make himself sound knowledgeable….. he doesn’t quite see the affection in the term….)
But then that brings me to thinking about molecules and atoms – i can’t see them, but i learned about them in school and trust they exist. And then that brings me to thinking about germs – again, I can’t see them, but I know they have been studied and exist, and will get me sick if I don’t Purell after touching knobs bathroom doors. Which starts to circle me around to believing those hard-to-fathom astronomy details. Which then full-circles me around to re-believing in our spirit energy when our physical bodies die.
I take a deep breath, since my head aches a bit from all the thinking. But it’s not all bad. Maybe it’s good to revert back to doubts once in a while so you have to re-do all your thinking about it, and return back to the place that re-confirms your belief that a spirit exists. And that if it exists, there must be a way to interact with it.
I know it’s a lot of work just to end up where you already were before…. but maybe it’s not good to get stale in a state of just having faith because that’s what you’ve thought for so long. Re-convincing yourself that you believe it because you really believe it is helpful because it enables you to stand in that belief taller and stronger. And that’s important for those times in your life when you’ll REALLY need that faith.
So maybe it’s not so bad to weeble-wobble sometimes between questioning blind faith, and re-discovering it as earned faith. These things aren’t easy to believe. And the more you think about it all, the more questions you’ll have. And that’s ok.
I think it’s better to actively be thinking about it than to think it once and then just let it get dusty on a back shelf in your mind. It’s good to take it out from time to time, look at it from all it’s angles, and kick it around a little.
Our favorite things, and best things, are usually worn around the edges from being with us and handled so much …. my old Raggedy Ann doll can attest to that. And she’s still here to tell the tales. So I think our metaphysical beliefs about the afterlife can take it too.